Formal letter revised (Descriptive reflection)

 Dear Professor Brad,

The purpose of me writing this formal letter to you is about an introduction about myself and the expectations I have for in this communication module. My name is Tan Jin Han, and I  graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in mechanical engineering. Currently, I am studying Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (SIE) of building services in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). Due to one of the modules which I had studied in my polytechnic, I was amazed of how we are able to make use of resources such as the solar panels to generate electricity. Also, I had learned how a simple windmill is able to convert the energy from the wind to produce electrical energy. Subsequently, electricity is being provided to the users which is referring to us. That is why I have chosen to take up this course in SIT.

In terms of communication, my strength would be being open-minded. I would always try my best to understand from his or her point of view. Through analyzing the whole picture, I would be able to get a grasp of their important points that they mentioned. Even with disagreements, I would try to put myself in their shoes. On the other hand, my weaknesses in communication would be the delivering of my message across. Often times, the message that I am trying to convey would either be misinterpreted or they simply do not have any clue on it. This can be illustrated from  a project work during polytechnic. It was just a simple math project. While I was trying to offer my solution to my team members, some of them could not get what I was trying to deliver. Later, my team members came up with their solution to the problem. Being able to comprehend their ideas, we came up with a solution that satisfied both of the parties.

I believe communication is an essential thing in life. We are communicating to one another everyday not only in real life applications, but through social media as well. We might not even realized it. But to be able to communicate effectively, is a harder thing to achieve. Upon completing this module, I hope that I would be able to boost my confidence in talking out and also be able to write better standard of reports. By receiving constructive feedback from you and learning from mistakes, I would be able to develop effective communication skills in this module.

Best regards,

Jin Han


Comments

  1. Brad BlackstoneSeptember 17, 2020 at 11:32 PM

    Thank you, Jin Han, for this letter.

    I'll give more detailed feedback once your peers have commented.

    ReplyDelete
  2. HermOSeptember 18, 2020 at 8:42 PM

    Dear Jin Han,

    I enjoyed reading your letter, and I have to agree with your strength that you are open-minded towards new ideas. Your willingness to listen to my ideas before presenting your opinions has made me more comfortable conversing in discussions. Your content and organization of the letter is great, and I liked the example you shared which led you to choose this course.

    However, I feel that the language you used to illustrate the example on your project work could be better structured by using connecting words. For example, "This can be best illustrated from a Math project during polytechnic, as some of my group mates could not comprehend the solution that I offered. Eventually, they came up with a solution to the problem."

    I hope you find it useful!


    Sincerely,
    Herman

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jin HanSeptember 19, 2020 at 2:46 AM

      Thank you Herman, for pointing out in the way that I wrote. You have given me a better way to rephrase my sentence structure. Truly appreciative of that, and thank you for taking your precious time to review my formal letter.

      Delete
  3. smmmm1000September 20, 2020 at 6:50 AM

    Dear Jin Han,

    After reading your letter, I really liked how you expressed how communication is essential and used in our everyday life. I really agree with the points that you have made. Especially about how its easy to communicate with others but harder to do it effectively. From your introduction, you shared how one of your modules in polytechnic helped develop an interest in renewable energy. Coming from a renewable energy background in polytechnic, it warms me to see others having the same passion in this field of study.

    In the second paragraph, you share that one of your communication strengths is being open minded. It is something that I feel is very much needed yet not commonly named as an important strength. I too fully understand your struggles of delivering your message across. People interpretate and understand words differently and it does cause unwanted conflict.

    Overall, i really liked the flow and how you really empahsise on your belifs of how important communication is. It really helped summarised your thoughts and ideas on effective communication.

    Yours Sincerely
    Ho Shimin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jin HanOctober 6, 2020 at 12:17 AM

      Dear Shimin, thank you for taking your time to read through my letter. It's nice to see that you have a similar issue as mine. Hopefully, through this communication module, we can better convey the right message across. I appreciate your effort in reviewing my formal letter writing. Thank you.

      Yours sincerely,
      Jin Han

      Delete
  4. Brad BlackstoneSeptember 28, 2020 at 11:26 PM


    Dear Jin Han,

    Thanks much for this detailed and generally clear letter. As your classmates have said, because you develop your ideas fairly well, we learn a lot about you. At the same time, in a few spots, if you would add a sentence of explanation, the letter would be clearer. For example, you mention how we may not even realize that we are communicating. What might an example of that be?

    In terms of language use, this is a good effort, but there are quite a few areas to take note of:


    1. sentence structure
    -- "...and what do i have for in this communication module." > ?
    -- "My name is Tan Jin Han, graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in mechanical engineering." > My name is Tan Jin Han, and I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in mechanical engineering.
    -- Currently studying Sustainble Infrastructure Engineering (SIE) of building services in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). > (fragment)
    -- And also of how a simple windmill is able to convert the energy from the wind to produce electrical energy. > (fragment)
    -- Subsequently, providing electricity to the users which is us. > (fragment)

    Please see https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/mechanics/sentence_fragments.html

    2. verb tense
    -- In terms of communication, my strength would be being open-minded. I would always try my best to understand from his or her point of view. Through analyzing the whole picture, i would be able to get a grasp of their important points that they mentioned. >
    In terms of communication, my strength is being open-minded. I always try my best to understand from his or her point of view. Through analyzing the whole picture, i _____ to get a grasp of their important points that they (who?) mentions.

    3. inconsistent use of capitalization (Caps: see this website: https://wmich.edu/writing/rules/capitalization )
    -- i have
    -- i have chosen
    etc.

    4. misuse of the 'pronoun'
    -- Often times, the message that i am trying to convey would either be misinterpreted or they simply do not have any clue on it. > (who?)

    5. word choice
    -- Being able to comprehend their ideas .... > (whose ideas?)
    -- medias ? (plural spelling)
    -- Sometimes, we might not even realized it. > (verb form)

    I appreciate your effort.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete

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